Getting down to the heart of the matter…forgiveness?

Posted on August 27, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

The Old Testament readings from the lectionary the past few weeks began in the first chapter of Job and trots the reader through chapter by chapter like a world-class tennis match.  Job on one side, friends on the other in the preliminary rounds.  Then Job in the final match meeting God. Back and forth.

In earlier reflections on today’s passage I have noted how tired I was becoming of Job’s whining. He is just so angry. Fourteen chapters already!  You are forgiven, Job, for heaven’s sake.

And as I re-read my earlier reflections, I saw that the Holy Spirit put on my heart some compassion for Job mid-stream, reminding me he lived and died long before Jesus – long before forgiveness was really conceptualized by mere mortals. There wasn’t language to be had to speak of forgiveness  – to ask for forgiveness – to forgive – for a transgression or sin that a person didn’t know they had committed or deserved.  When a person thinks of him or herself as wholly righteous and not broken.

Forgiveness. The word – the concept – is easily hijacked by the culture on some level, it seems to me.  I sense vacuousness in the word when it is not connected with the One who forgives, but instead, connects forgiveness with memory – the “forgive and forget quip.” The charge from one to another to ‘just get over it, to move on’.  Anything that suggests that forgiveness will erase the memory of the injury.

At the same time, there are some stories floating around that do not fall prey to the “forgive and forget, how-to-move on”(secular) school of thought.  Laura Hillenbrand’s book, Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption comes to mind. It is in some respects, a sort of modern day Job story. (It will interesting to see how the redemptive aspect of forgiveness is treated in the not-yet released film.)

Forgiveness from the Lord Jesus Christ for our sin against God, our transgressions, our intentional distancing from Him, from His Word, from praising God, from serving self and not others…that kind of forgiveness is so, so complete, so whole and holy and so deep, that if we can find our way to it and rest there, then forgiving others as He forgives us will be transformative.  Healing begins there at that deep, deep, holy God-gene level.

don-henleyI heard just yesterday a beautiful song by Don Henley of The Eagles, entitled ‘Forgiveness’. There is a depth here that is often absent in popular music, film, books or television.  It doesn’t treat forgiveness as this absolute thing – like once you forgive, then you will forget and on you go, happy camper. As if it is time that has agency in forgiveness and not the Lord, God.

True forgiveness is all about grace.  It comes to us from God.  It is ours to give others only by grace.  If we don’t land and rest there – in God’s grace and forgiveness – just as Job wrestles to get a grip with – if we stay attached to pride believing we are only broken because of what someone else did to us, that we are broken through no fault of our own, if we hunker down in a place far away from God, if we believe that all we have done or achieved, acquired, loved is of our doing – that all that is good in our life is deserved, and angered that it has been taken from us – then, the injury, suffering, loss will simply kill us.   Literally eat us alive.

Henley’s song says as much. Here he sings of an ended human relationship, a love that has come to an end.  By God’s grace, he realizes the mixed emotions are to be expected and wonders if such emotions aren’t just about forgiveness.  Time for God to have some agency in his life.  But time, like the “just get over it” kind of time, does come into play.  There is an aspect to get real and on with life when one acknowledges that lives, things, circumstances of the world are broken.  So in God’s time, by God’s grace, forgiveness will transform, will release and allow healing.

Here are the song’s lyrics, preceded by Henley’s recording (please listen to the track, as your read – he puts emphasis where I think I would). I have bolded those words I hear through the gospel, good-news voice of the Holy Spirit.  I hear Job singing this song.  He speaks of his scattered friends, his scattered thoughts, love lost.

Forgiveness by Don Henley: 

I got the call today, I didn’t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin’ on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love’s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I’m learning again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There’s a yearning undefined
…People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They’re the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn’t keep me warm

I’m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin’ that anger, it’ll eat you inside

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me

I’ve been tryin’ to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about forgiveness
Forgiveness

The opening verses of the Job reading expresses a futility, an anger that the broken mortal can not be healed.

‘A mortal, born of woman, few of days and full of trouble,
2   comes up like a flower and withers,
flees like a shadow and does not last.
3 Do you fix your eyes on such a one?
Do you bring me into judgement with you?
4 Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean?
No one can.

I wonder.  The Holy Spirit has me wondering.  In trying to get to the heart of the matter, as Job was trying to do, I wonder if all suffering and loss isn’t just about forgiveness.

Thy will be done, we all pray.  Forgive others as our Lord, God has forgiven us.

Praise Him.

 

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Reality check – get a heart for the Lord, God

Posted on August 20, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

The Parable of the Rich Fool (Luke 12:13-21)

13 Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me.” 14 But he said to him, “Friend, who set me to be a judge or arbitrator over you?” 15 And he said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.” 16 Then he told them a parable: “The land of a rich man produced abundantly. 17 And he thought to himself, ‘What should I do, for I have no place to store my crops?’ 18 Then he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’ 20 But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God.”

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Steadfast, relentless love

Posted on August 19, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

My son and I were working on a fix-it project the other day.  The interest and capability to fix things around the house, in the car, all things mechanical or things that require assembly – well, that I inherited from my father and have passed on to both of my sons.

So, there we were fixing something, alternating between holding the flashlight on the problem while the other worked the wrench, then screwdriver.  We are patient with each other, as my father was with me – we know how to work together.  I cherish these moments with him. They are sacred.

In the background his ipod was blasting.  I liked the music – didn’t know the artist, hadn’t heard the tune – but it was pleasing.  I tuned in immediately to the lyrics when I heard the word, “grace.”   It didn’t sound like praise music – more electronic, rock-like.  It wasn’t Mumford & Sons, but as I listened on I was sure that a gospel message was being proclaimed.

But for the fact that it was my son’s playlist, I would have guessed it was a Christian band[1]. My son does not listen to Christian music.  His playlist is determined by the music first – he has a particular yen for the electronic genre.  But the lyrics are important to him, too. He selects music with poetic lyrics – lyrics that mean something, say something, ask something.

I was thinking about this as I was zoned in on the song which was nearly done – what was it saying about grace?  There was an anxious, hyped up, loud sort of sound to the tune – sort of an edge – something uncomfortably comforting.  Whatever they were singing about grace was more like the harsh reality of grace – the implications of knowing grace’s function in one’s life.

As my son worked the wrench, he glanced sideways up at me and asked, “Did you hear that? Relentless?  Relentless love?  Pretty right on word to describe love, isn’t it?”

I smiled.  Indeed.  God’s love. That’s what I think of.  Relentless.  Forever.  And that took me to a memory of another sacred moment I had had with my son.

To our bedtime routine when he was a young boy.  One of my son’s favorite books was a template for our own love-you-foreverLove you Forever bedtime exchange.

After story time and saying prayers I would tuck him in, he’d close his eyes and I began the final litany of the night, to send him to sleep with the thought of who loved him – relentlessly and forever – loved him.

“Who loves, Tom?” I would ask.

Tom answered, “Libi!”

“Yes, Libi loves Tom. Who else loves Tom?”

And on we would go through family, extended family, pets, friends, teachers…whomever came to mind.  My son would always leave me for his last response to,

“Who else loves Tom?”

“Mommy.”

“Yes, mommy loves Tom.”

Relentless and forever.  That was my cue for the final,

“And who loves Tom the most and forever?”

He’d smile that sweet knowing, eyes closed and nearly to sleep, grace-filled smile,

“God loves Tom.”

“Yes, my sweet.  God loves Tom.”

Relentless love grace is.

And a mother’s love, too. Relentless. Forever. Through thick and thin.  Never giving up, or walking away.  A forgiving love. A tough love sometimes. A belief in my son so deep of who God created in him and called him to be that no matter how many times he has gone astray, gotten off track, seemed lost, I am here for him.  I believe in him.  I know he will find his way.  Know he has found his way. Relentless love.

Biblically what comes to mind as the word that describes this ongoing never giving up, forgiving love is the word, steadfast.  There’s not as much of an edge to it as relentless, but it conveys the same essence – or attribute – of God’s love for us.

We finished the project and as I moved through the rest of the day I wondered how it would read to subsitute relentless for steadfast any time I came across it in scripture.  Would it sink in deeper?  Would I experience the truth of God’s Word more deeply with the sharper, edgier sounding relentless than the more comforting ‘steadfast?’?

And that’s just what happened this morning at the first psalm, Psalm 5.

7 But I, through the abundance of your steadfast (relentless)love,
will enter your house,
I will bow down towards your holy temple
in awe of you.
8 Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness
because of my enemies;
make your way straight before me.

With the switch, the Holy Spirit whispered something deeper.  I heard in God’s Word – ‘another chance’ – God has not given up on me yet.  The lines of the path I was set upon have been blurry lately – I haven’t been able to see the light through the trees clearly enough to know where I’m headed.  But by thinking of God’s steadfast love as infused with the type of love I’ve known as a mother,  – that relentless love – I felt God’s hand at my back.  God’s got my back.

Who loves me?

God loves me.

And He leads me and makes His way straight before me.

Praise Him.

[1] Turns out it was a Christian band. The band is Citizens. The song, Made Alive: .

Lectionary Readings: AM Psalm 5, 6; PM Psalm 10, 11
Job 6:1-4,8-15,21; Acts 9:32-43; John 6:60-71

 

 

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Psalm 1

Posted on August 18, 2014 by Trinity Seasons
tree_on_dead_log

Psalm 1 1 Happy are those who do not follow the advice of the wicked, or take the path that sinners tread, or sit in the seat of scoffers; 2 but their delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law they meditate day and night. 3 They are like trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper.

 

 

 

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By Jesus’ light we see the forest through the trees

Posted on August 11, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

nicodemus-editFrom the gospel reading today (John 3:1-21)

3 Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. 2 He came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.”

I ran into a roadblock to ministry leadership in the church mid way through my second year of seminary. I had posed a “wondering” question to a professor.  I hadn’t been invited to wonder with this professor, but I had posed it anyway trusting that we were on the same page, theologically speaking.

The response?  I was not to wonder about such things, essentially, reminded that I was in the scholarly season of my journey. The questions and answers in the class at that time were not of the wondering sort, but of the empirical and critical sort.  The professor’s response led me to question my vocation. I left seminary in order to wonder about that.

The season that followed found me on my own, wondering via theological reflection by writing this blog, which follows the Daily Common Lectionary.  It was (and is) a safe place to ask tough questions that emerged out of Scripture.  A place where I was free to read God’s Word and wonder and where God’s Word would read me.

But for a long season, theological reflection on this blog was a one-way kind of wondering.  I missed the dialogue that comes from being part of a community where I would have the chance to hear other people’s wondering questions.  My baptism, like yours, was into the body of Christ – the church – a community.

Before too long I found myself in Pastoral Ministry as a Chaplain Intern at a large hospital.  It was there, in Pastoral Ministry, where I began to trust myself to ask wondering questions out-loud.  I joined a local Episcopal church on Sundays and with them and with my fellow Chaplains and with all the patients, staff, families, and friends encountered, I dared to ask, eager to listen. And I was blessed with every question that came my way from one of them.

We need a safe community to ask wondering questions it seems to me, where the empirical questions are answered and the wondering questions invited for more wondering. And your worshiping community should be the safest place of all.  But not all of them, are.

Nicodemus brought Jesus a pretty tough question – a pretty big wondering question.  How is it possible to be born again and what in the world would it have to do with salvation?  It took some courage on his part, I think, to bring Jesus such a question.  But the kind of courage that is fueled by trust – a confidence and trust that the one to whom he was wondering with would not condemn, nor judge.  It was a safe place.  It’s always a safe place to wonder with Jesus.

And the biggest, toughest questions are there illuminated by his light.  Jesus gives Nicodemus a pretty long answer to his wondering question – takes him through a lot of trees.

It reminds me of the story where the little boy asks where he comes from and mom responds uncomfortably with a detailed description of procreation.  The little boy stops her, confused and wonders again, “So, are we from Toledo or St. Louis?”

Jesus shines light on our wondering questions.  We can see the forest through the trees.

Is this your experience with Jesus in your worship community?  If Jesus is at the center of it, then you are in a safe place to wonder in two kinds: wonder as doubt and question and incredulity and befuddlement – like Nicodemus and; to wonder as awe – the sheer awe, respect and love of our God.

Praise Him.

Lectionary Readings: AM Psalm 89:1-18; PM Psalm 89:19-52
Judges 12:1-7; Acts 5:12-26; John 3:1-21

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…too afraid of his family….

Posted on August 4, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

Judges 6:27So Gideon took ten of his servants, and did as the Lord had told him; but because he was too afraid of his family and the townspeople to do it by day, he did it by night.

The family and Gideon’s place in it plays a part in the Old Testament story of the soldier the Lord chose to conquer the Midianites and to dismantle the local Baal worshiping culture.

Ministry and Family.  This is a tough one – the blending of these two vocations.  There are stories throughout the bible illustrating all the complex dimensions of ministries (calls) hindered by unhealthy family systems or grown despite the brokenness in the human relationships.

Calls to ministry – to doing God’s work in God’s church – is something discerned over and over. Seasons.  Sometimes it is really clear what the Lord has in mind, other times not so much. Abram is a good example of one who stepped into the call with no real strong sense of what the Lord, God was up to.  He stepped into that call and onto the journey with his wife, Sarai – with his family.  Steadfast always, but not without bumps along the road.  And God did His work through those bumps and the brokenness. The family system broken at one point when Sarai got a bit anxious about having children.  Prayed for it to be otherwise.  Came up with her own plan, which came back to nip her in the ‘ego’ later on.

solitudePoint is, living into a ministry call with a family of one’s own, or living into said call by leaving one’s family – both are possibilities before the prophet, the priest, the chaplain, the pastor all a ministry-life long.  And when someone is at the front end of discerning a call to ministry, it can be one of the primary questions or concerns.  Forward with or without?

There’s a country song, Home, (please listen – it provides a nice sound track to this section) by Blake Shelton with a line that often comes to mind when I think about families and ministry.  It simply says, my dream isn’t yours and that is okay:

And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
But you always believed in me

The singer sings to his partner this is my life, you believed in me – that is enough.  I’m able to do what I do because you, my partner believed in me. (A sidebar touch of irony, Shelton covers this Michael Bublé original with his wife, Miranda Lambert.  The two of them DO share the same dream).

But back to ministry, calls, families of origin, partners. It may not be my partner’s dream, and my partner and family may even respect it and believe in me, as the song lyric says, but is ministry something that can be realized alone – apart from one’s family – alone, in the night?

A country singer can hit the road, make her music, be in Paris or Rome, and long to return home because she has the support and respect of the family at home who wait for her return.  It works – not easy – but different dreams of each partner can be realized in many, many settings.

I just wonder about ministry.  I wonder if the dream and call of one partner can only be realized when the other partner really believes in them and knows they, too, are called to the ministry.

Gideon’s tale sheds some light.  He leaves the family to respond to the call.  Doing God’s work did not require, for Gideon, their support or belief in him.  But he was still afraid of their power over him – over how they, his family and friends, saw him.

Gideon, “the least in his family”  (Judges 6:15:He responded, ‘But sir, how can I deliver Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’) – not unlike David – not unlike most of the saints the Lord, God anoints to proclaim and to God’s work, is afraid of what his family might say, what they threaten him with, what hold they have over him to keep him in his place as the least in his family.  He goes into this alone, not supported or believed in. But he goes.  He goes to the Lord, God in the night.

Nicodemus did likewise.  He went to Jesus in the night.  It was a safe time.  And Nicodemus knew Jesus was to be found wherever he went looking.  He lived into the call upon him by going in the night un-witnessed by his family and community that may have rushed to the wrong conclusions, may have condemned him for something they judged to be wrong.

Many of us called to ministry have to deal with this fear over and over – the fear of the family’s acceptance?  condemnation?  judgment? support?  belief?  Ongoing discernment for those called to serve God’s church is healthy.

Perhaps what the Spirit is whispering today is to take stock of where I have most effectively done God’s work.  Is it at Home with family and friends who believe in me and where my dream – my call – can rest alongside but not enjoined with theirs?  Or, have I done God’s work ‘in the night’ – too afraid of my family – but unable not to respond to the call?

I’m not sure I have the question right but that’s the bunny trail I have been sent down today.

Praise God.

Lectionary Readings: AM Psalm 80; PM Psalm 77, [79] Judges 6:25-40; Acts 2:37-47; John 1:1-18

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God is my co-pilot

Posted on August 1, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

The readings this morning had me on all sorts of bunny trails and I am glad to see that readers will dip back into Judges for the conclusion of The Song of Deborah so that I may share some of my tangential thoughts about that passage and the Old Testament book, Judges, in general, tomorrow.

I had put aside my reflections earlier this morning to get to an exercise class and on the way I witnessed a sweet little scene between a woman and her dog.  I think I noticed because as I drove to class, my thoughts were making their way back from one of the bunny trails I had taken off on reading Judges. I was thinking about how much fear of the OTHER is deeply embedded in the stories of Canaan’s settlement by the Israelites and especially in Judges.

I live in a neighborhood where traffic jams during the morning commute are more likely a result of dogs and their owners than autos.  I used to be part of the traffic until my beloved dog died a few years, ago.  Now, I just delight in seeing who’s out with what dog, how the dogs match up with their owners, how the young ones lead – or not – how the older folks with the older dogs seem so patient with each other.  Just the other day, I witnessed a late 70’s-early 80’s gentleman holding in one arm his three legged aged mutt while walking with a cane along his sidewalk – just to the end and back – a few times, like laps.  So sweet.

So this morning, as I leave my neighborhood I was surprised to notice no dogs, no walkers. I was a bit disappointed but then think, well, it is Friday after all – people getting ready to leave town for the weekend.

Then, as I enter a commercial district where cars dominate, walkers are few, and dogs even fewer, I saw at a stop light an Asian woman with an American Beagle on a red-white-blue- leash making repeated attempts at getting the dog to heal.  She was stopped with the dog at an intersection so that I could hear her speaking to the dog.  She wasn’t speaking English.  That’s why I mention that she was Asian.   She was in full conversation with the dog.  And this little all-American Beagle just looked up at her with the most earnest eyes.beagle

It made me recall a Pinterest ‘meme,’  – memes, the ones that pay tribute to dogs – and especially their unique place in the relationship with their owner as one who gives unconditional love.  I know many have the same feelings about other animals. My son sees in the calves he is raising a soul that others are hard pressed to perceive.  But in the culture, it is the dog that has secured a primary place in the human-animal relationship arena.

But though I have been a dog owner, and appreciate the sentiments expressed in these memes, it is the Lord, God I think of every time.  My mind just switches it up so that when I see the word DOG, I read GOD.

One popular bumper sticker reads, “DOG is my co-pilot,” and I think yea, not really. God is our co-pilot – a reverse of a reverse.

bethepersonSo with this one (here to the left) which I saw last week on Pinterest and saved.  Its truth runs both ways – my dog did see me in the most loving, un-judged way.  My dog had so few expectations of me, just loved me up, and delighted in any and all time she could be my companion.

Works that way with God, too.

And that is what I thought of this morning when I saw the Asian woman with the American Beagle.  God sees us, loves us, hears us, in our own specialness and particularity – every hair on our head.  And we speak to God from that particularity.  We speak our own language to the Lord, God.

And this is true for all of humanity.  God sees each person you know, each person you don’t know, as the person God called them to be – as the person God believes you, them, to be.

I suppose this little reminder resonated in part because of the strong US-THEM language in the Old Testament readings this past week.  The OTHER is the bad guy.  The OTHER is the loser, the heathen, the rich, the…whatever.  Point is the OTHER is what I am not.

But the OTHER is also the Asian woman on the corner with her dog.  And with her God.

Praise Him.

Lectionary Readings: AM Psalm 69:1-23(24-30)31-38; PM Psalm 73
Judges 5:1-18; Acts 2:1-21; Matt. 28:1-10

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Hot Air

Posted on July 31, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

It’s Thursday, but I read Friday’s selections, so the reflection here is on Acts 2.

The reading from the Book of Acts reports the Holy Spirit descending upon all the people in Jerusalem – Jews and Gentiles – transforming their divided tongues into a unified comprehension. Divided they would have fallen, united they stood alongside understanding what the other was saying.

But what the passage does not report in this account is what they were all saying to one another.  So, perhaps amongst other things, the event is about what it takes to have our minds comprehend and our hearts understand, God’s will and plan for each of us.  What do we need from the Lord, God – what kind of touch do we require – to know we are following Jesus?

spirit-wallpaper-013111Peter quotes the prophecy of Joel to help explain to the crowd what is going on.  By doing so, Peter is letting us know what he understood to be going on.  And its the description of the agency of the Holy Spirit that I am paused to wonder about this morning.  Peter says from Joel,

God declares,
that I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh,
and your sons and your daughters

The pouring out of the Spirit upon humanity.  Hmm.  My experience of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit – the power that is given to me to live as I believe –  is not something that has been poured over me.  I connect more with my baptism – with the water.  Even though it was when I was an infant, every time a new Christian is baptized into the body of Christ, I experience anew my baptism via the prayers and words, the anointing, the sacrament that strengthen my connection relationally with the Holy Spirit.

I know many have experienced the Spirit in myriad ways and some even reject baptism as a real experience until the adult mind is involved.  But that’s a different discussion.  Many have the experience of feeling something quite warm washing over them at different points and times in their lives, which they recall and know to be the presence of God, the Holy Spirit.

Maybe this is what I am paused to think about.  A warmth.  A knowing of when I feel swaddled by the Holy Spirit so much so that the warmth, the presence of the Spirit, permeates my flesh – my being.

This is what happens in Bikram yoga – the ninety minute practice that takes place in a room heated to 105 degrees.  Many wonder at the purpose of the heat.  Your heart rate is sure to be elevated by the practice itself, so why add the heat at the start?

Here are the reasons listed on the Bikram website for the heated room:

  • Keeping the body from overheating (contrary to popular misconception)
  • Protecting the muscles to allow for deeper stretching
  • Detoxing the body (open pores to let toxins out)
  • Thinning the blood to clear the circulatory system
  • Increasing heart rate for better cardiovascular workout
  • Improving strength by putting muscle tissue in optimal state for reorganization
  • Reorganize the lipids (fat) in the muscular structure

I wonder.  Looking at the first reason – ‘to keep the body from overheating’ – I wonder if this is at play in our experience with the Holy Spirit.  Does a touch from the Lord, God of warmth – of heat – does a touch on and off keep us from overheating?  From becoming overzealous? Self-righteous?  Dogmatic?  Law driven?  Do we need the heat of the Holy Spirit to facilitate a unified hearing and comprehension?  A calm focus?

At baptism we are washed in the Spirit when we arise out of the water, dead to self, renewed, re-made – infant or adult – and our life as a believer begins to be sanctified.  In other words, the process of sanctification begins – it has a starting point at baptism in the water.

I wonder if the process of sanctification has many moving parts.  It is a process, after all. We begin our lives in Christ at baptism. A once for all rebirth into the body of Christ.  For transformation to take place we are called to participate in an ongoing process of converting our minds and hearts, our thoughts, behaviors, choices, relationships – aiming it all towards God.  To live as we (individual and church) are called, as Jesus lived, demands the once for all baptism and then some ongoing work.  Is this the pouring upon aspect of the Holy Spirit?  Is this the heat in the Bikram room?

The opening posture of the Bikram practice is a breathing exercise.  The ninety minutes begins, then, by being still and breathing in and out the warm air of the room.  But there is a lot going on – a lot to pay attention to in this exercise.  So, what the heat contributes is a warmth – a calm, a focus – in a way that helps relax the body and mind so that it can attend to all the little details the teacher is directing you towards.  Here’s an illustration of all that is being said to the student as they stand, breath in and breath out, the heated air. bikram breathing

So, too, perhaps with the Holy Spirit. Poured upon my flesh like the heat of the Bikram room, I am able to feel the warmth, feel God’s presence, get calm and focused in a way that allows me to hear what the Spirit is saying to God’s people.  I enter the Word or Worship  – as I enter a Bikram room  – to find God already present – the room already heated.  It pours upon me. I know His presence.   The preacher or the teacher of just the whispers from the Holy Spirit can talk at me, direct me, make me aware of not just where I am, but where the Lord, God is.  Is He in this?  Do I feel it?

This is what the Word opened up this morning.  I need to get in touch with those moments in my life when the presence of God was literally ‘felt’ upon my flesh.  Recalling those moments, can I then look to why it was so – why the Lord, God visited me with that ‘warmth,’ or perhaps even chill to know through every fiber of my being that God is present in my little ‘ol life.  That sanctification is an ongoing process initiated at baptism and if not let dormant the Lord, God will touch in every now and then to let me know He’s there.

Or not.

Praise God.

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In our blood? I wonder…

Posted on July 29, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

One of the books I have been re-reading this summer is one that treats the study of cancer as a biography.  This very bad thing, cancer, has a life of its own: it has a beginning somewhere; its existence impacts both individuals and groups; it morphs over time, depending upon context; it rages in some eras in clusters, in others it recedes.

In this biography of cancer I encountered one parallel after another with the gospel.  The gospel?  Well, more generally, the story of salvation history – of the life and times of the people of God.  The biblical story of orientation, disorientation and reorientation as theologian Walter Brueggemann so describes.

This morning’s Old Testament reading is one example of where I see some parallels.  In it is the reminder of the steadfast effort on the part of the Lord, God to reign in evil.  From creation onward when given a choice to be accountable to the Lord, God or to be accountable to no one or thing but self, God has made one gesture after another to help humanity get right with Him – to align their lives with God’s will so that healthy, right living will flourish in all of God’s people and in Creation.

The reading from Judges lists all those efforts. God freed them.  Made a covenant with them. Gave them commandments. Ushered in victories. Fed them. Lead them.  And all the while, God’s people disobeyed.  Wandered away from the Lord, God.

Then the Lord raised up judges, who delivered them out of the power of those who plundered them. 17Yet they did not listen even to their judges;

So a pattern had developed with the body of believers known as God’s chosen people – the Israelites did what was evil in the sight of the Lord – the familiar pattern of humanity choosing something over God, breaking God’s heart.  Repeated over and over that choice becomes sort of hard wired and very, very hard – not impossible and all in God’s time – for God to contain or change.  Humanity’s ego – choosing something created over the Creator – to worship, to love, to praise is the evil that wages the biggest battle against the primacy of God in our lives.

So how does this relate to what I’ve learned about cancer and the ongoing mystery of how to eradicate humanity from its destructive power?

The covenants, bargains, deals, victories, plagues – the consequences of the bad choices humanity opt for are in some ways like the medications administered to get rid of proliferating cancer cells.  They work sometimes, most often they don’t.

Stepping into the story of cancer for a minute. In the mid-nineteenth century a young German researcher re-named the blood disease known as ‘a suppuration of blood’ – the disease of abnormally and fatally high white blood cells counts.

The young man re-named it based only on what he could observe under the microscope and what he observed was a preponderance of white blood cells.  Hence, leukemia became the name (from the Greek word for white, leukos).

This renaming ushered in a teutonic magnitude paradigm shift in cancer research for it altered the understanding of what cancer actually was. Up to then, cancer was comprehended in a variety of ways that are of interest but not relevant to today’s ‘aha’.

What is of note is that the disease leukemia had been named something that mislead scientists understanding of what the disease was and hence, how to treat it.

The former name suggested the condition was due to infected blood – that something had gotten into the blood stream that made the blood bad.  In other words, something outside the structure of the blood itself.

So, by just naming the disease for what was observable – a proliferation of white blood cells, scientists then found themselves with a new and agreed upon understanding and would look to a cure, differently.

The paradigm shift then included two epiphanies.  First, cancer was molecular – something in the human DNA (though this wasn’t the 1845 clinical language).  Cancer existed at the cellular level is the point.  It was in the blood.  And second, cancer was distorted growth, “Cancer was a disease of pathological hyperplasia in which cells acquired an autonomous will to divide,” (Emperor of All Maladies, p 14).

From here on, scientists and physicians would attack the problem of the never-ending divding cancer cell from two angles:  they looked to prevent such cells from entering the human body (this doesn’t take hold as an idea until late into the 20th century) and they looked to rid the human body of such cells.  Ridding the body of cancer cells ranged from surgery to radiation to chemotherapy and combinations of all three.  Constraints on the cells’ growth is the point. How to contain the distorted cell growth.

Cancer cells unchecked will proliferate.  Trump.  Take over.  Eventually distort the cellular structure of a human body to the point of death.  Unchecked cancer grows and grows and grows.

So with egos?  This is the parallel I saw – bear with me. The human ego – humanity’s self-interest gene, the selfish all-about-me part of our hard wired biology left unchecked, can manifest in wrong-doing, even evil.  Ego unchecked is like cancer in this way – an ‘autonomous will to divide’…and conquer.  The inclination towards ego and self and away from the Lord, God is in our blood.

God’s gestures throughout salvation history have been to save us from ourselves – from our egos, from the patterns of choice-making that comes from self, and not from Him. Covenants, calls, commandments, judges, kings, lands.

I know there’s more to the story but I’m not quite ready to go there, yet.  The parallel I see today is in the way in which we understand God’s actions in the world and in our own lives. Does it change things in my life to know that my ego, unchecked by the will and Word of God, will run rampant – will grow and grow and grow to the point that it cuts off life everlasting?

Cancer researchers, as mentioned above, worked for many years only the cure end of the spectrum. The prevention end alluded their thinking for a number of reasons.  So, this is my question and how I relate this cancer story in some ways to the salvation history as told in the bible.  Is the Law in some ways the ‘cure’ end of the span of a believer’s life?  Or more specifically, the Old Testament is it the cure-end and the Gospel later will be revealed as the prevention end?  With grace, with Jesus Christ in your head and heart, we live with a new internal structure that constrains the ego?

Just as many ‘cures’ did not save cancer victims from death by cancer, does the Law save? If abided in all its proscriptions and absolutely, perhaps.  But we can’t.  Humanity cannot abide absolutely or perfectly.  It is in our blood not to, in fact.

The preventive side in the cancer world leads to a focus on carcinogens- cancer cells that enter the body after birth.

Is this baptism? Is this what baptism is all about?  The re-birth of the human body with a Holy Spirit that will constrain self?  Prevent the proliferation of bad cells – bad choices?

I know this needs more thought – the parallels I’m trying to draw.  And I know to be careful with drawing parallels between cancer and evil.  I mean to make no connection, morally, in that way.  In fact none of my thinking falls into the ‘morality’ realm.

I’m simply intrigued by difference a word can make and what that leads to in terms of the world’s understanding of something.  And given that I live and breathe by words – Gods’ most especially – I’ve learned to pause at these intrigues, locate the Lord, and try to hear what the Spirit is saying.

worship-godHere I am Lord, before you, once again. Wondering.  Thank-you for loving me through all my wonderings.

Praise God.

Lectionary Readings: Psalm 61, 62; PM Psalm 68:1-20(21-23)24-36 Judges 2:1-5,11-23; Rom. 16:17-27; Matt. 27:32-44

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There’ll be days like this

Posted on July 28, 2014 by Trinity Seasons

This week’s lectionary readings begin in the Psalter with two more Davidic psalms (56, 57) which can – don’t have to – but can launch the day’s readings into the personal vs communal experience sphere.  And given that I have resided there of late, I was vulnerable to hunkering down in the ‘woe is me, save me Lord,’ pit that these psalms express.

I sometimes get exhausted by David’s whining probably because it feels so much like my own.  So today, I just decided to up and leave the psalms and get on with it. Onward, as I like to say. Onward out of my head and into the good news.

The passage from Paul’s letter to the Romans was a a good one to bring me ‘out of myself’ and into God’s big world.  The passage lists all the men and women Paul had been blessed to serve with over the years.  Yes, men and women, saints all, God’s people.  If you ever doubt Paul’s thoughts about who is called to preach the gospel, proclaim Christ’s resurrection, be sure to refer yourself to this passage, and not the stuff Paul’s students wrote in the Timothy letter.

At the end of the epistle, is a line that brought me back to the psalms I was trying to leave, 16Greet one another with a holy kiss. All the churches of Christ greet you.  

A holy kiss. There is something so personal in this greeting.  I’ve heard tell that a kiss between lovers is the most intimate of physical expressions.  As an expression of love between Christians for the risen Lord, it is intimate in a different way.  Touch is involved. Eye contact. Acknowledgement of the other.  A shared love for the risen Lord.

So why did this draw me back to the psalms?  The personal.  The personal experience vs the communal.  I am in dire need of getting out of myself so that I can hear what the Spirit is saying to God’s people – not just to me!  And yet, here’s just a sweet holy kiss nudge back to the personal experience, petition and salvation the psalms today express.

So, back I went. But instead of the hearing the whining David – the whining me – I heard the joyful Lord.  The saving grace and gentle hand and holy kiss of the Lord, God.  And my mind actually heard a song.

Van+Morrison+-+Days+Like+This+-+5-+CD+SINGLE-56330

Push the album cover to play Morrison’s song, Days Like This

Perhaps a bit unconventional for your taste, but I heard this track by Van Morrison.  It is so sweet.  I hear this being sung to dear David.  Don’t worry David, there will be days like this.  I hear not whining but thanksgiving and a whisper – in the track it comes from Morrison’s mamma – that though stuff happens, when walking with the Lord the good surrounds, grounds, abounds.

Stop.  Listen. This might be such a day, the Lord, God says to David, then to me. There will be always, days like this. Pause. Breathe.

Smile, for heavens sake.

Greet yourself. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

Praise Him.

Lectionary Readings: AM Psalm 56, 57, [58]; PM Psalm 64, 65 Joshua 24:16-33; Rom. 16:1-16; Matt. 27:24-31

Days Like This lyrics:

When it’s not always raining there’ll be days like this
When there’s no one complaining there’ll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there’ll be days like thisWhen you don’t need to worry there’ll be days like this
When no one’s in a hurry there’ll be days like this
When you don’t get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there’ll be days like thisWhen you don’t need an answer there’ll be days like this
When you don’t meet a chancer there’ll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there’ll be days like thisWhen everyone is up front and they’re not playing tricks
When you don’t have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When it’s nobody’s business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there’ll be days like this
When no one steps on my dreams there’ll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there’ll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there’ll be days like this
Oh my mama told me
There’ll be days like this

 

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